Obama to Open Hanuman Temples

It is a little known fact that the first thing President-elect Barack Obama will do once he takes office is open 18 Hanuman temples throughout the United States. Major cities such as Chicago, DC, New York, LA, Miami, Dallas, Houston, Phoenix, Philadelphia, Raleigh, Atlanta, New Orleans, San Francisco, Portland, Oklahoma City, Tucson, Anchorage, Trenton and Camden all have groundbreaking ceremonies slated for the new temples the day after Obama takes office.

After his first 90 days in office, President Obama plans on seizing all Bikram Yoga Studios and converting them to Hanuman temples. Following that, all GNC retail outlets will also be converted to Hanuman Temples.

In the aftermath, Americans will just grow fatter and lazier as they will have no place to buy their powdered supplements (many of which are more stimulating than caffeine and dark chocolate combined) and no place to stand on their head in a socially acceptable atmosphere.

But, according to a recent poll by Time Magazine, the majority of American people are already fat and lazy and feel a return to the status quo will only make this country greater. In terms of girth.